


at the end of the day the grey will fade

by El_Red



Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Soulmate AU, but im gonna put them through it first, enimies to lovers, it all works out for your faves, jemilla doesnt know how emotions work, neither does zazz but she cares marginally less
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25884355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Red/pseuds/El_Red
Summary: -Soulmates are quite rare, only about 1 in 15 people have one, it’s a bond between two people who have strongly complementary personalities to each other, they are destined to be together, and the relationship of soulmates can be the greatest relationship of them all.-Jemilla and Zazzalil get their soul marks at five, it takes them nearly 15 years to find each other. In that time, and after, so much is unknown.should be updating every few days, hope you enjoy xx
Relationships: Jemilla/Zazzalil (Firebringer)
Comments: 69
Kudos: 67





	1. age 5

**5**

**Jemilla**

When Jemilla is five she wakes up from a nap at playgroup and screams, on her wrist is the purple outline of a ball of fire. She hates having pen on her skin and she thinks that one of the other kids has drawn it on, but when the teacher comes over to see why she is screaming instead of shock on his face there is only happiness. That day at playgroup they learn about soulmates. 

Soulmates are quite rare, only about 1 in 15 people have one, it’s a bond between two people who have strongly complementary personalities to each other, they are destined to be together, and the relationship of soulmates can be the greatest relationship of them all. The teacher smiles at the class and adds that every relationship is different, and that even though most people don't have soulmates they can still have amazing relationships, and that soul mates sometimes don't turn out to be right for eachother, but it isn't often that that happens. 

When Jemilla gets home she asks her dad about it, he looks at her mark with his mouth in a grim line. He doesn’t say anything more than her teacher had already and with far less enthusiasm, Jemilla decides that she won’t bring it up with him again. The next morning he gives her a wide leather bracelet, it’s white on the outside and soft on the inside and he lets her choose a pattern to decorate it with. He tells her bluntly that burning on a pattern is symbolic, because that’s what meeting your soulmate feels like. Jemilla means to ask how he knows but she can’t get the words out. The sizzle and smell of burning leather, while he brands on some little flowers, is terrifying in a way she can’t fully comprehend. 

She doesn’t notice until almost a week later that her new bracelet is the same as the one he has always worn under the cuffs of his shirts. She doesn't even think about asking this time though. 

**Zazzalil**

When Zazzalil wakes up with a blue feather on the inside of her wrist the first person she tells is Keeri, they know what a soulmark is because Keeri’s older brother has one and they whisper about it all day. At lunchtime a girl in their class called Emberly overhears their conversation in the sandpit and shrieks with excitement, not hesitating to take off her thick beaded bangle to show them a small cartoonish paintbrush on her wrist. Right where Zazzalil has her feather.

When Zazzalil asks about the bracelet Emberly tells her that it’s common for people with soulmarks to have them because some people ask stupid questions. She pushes up her glasses with her other hand and grins, she says she can get Zazz one if she wants because her mother has a drawer of them. Soulmarks are “inheredtry” and her parents are soulmates, so they’ve collected them for Emberly and her brother to have if they want them. 

Zazzalil’s bracelet is bright purple because it’s her favorite colour and the only other change is that in the stories she makes up with Keeri, about the house they are going to live in together, now there is another person there. Keeri doesn’t mind, she says that maybe Zazzalil’s soulmate’s best friend can live there too and they can all have sleepovers together. 


	2. age 8

**8**

**Jemilla**

Jemilla has a nightmare, she wakes up shaking and crying and runs into her Dad’s room instinctively. She hasn’t come to him in the night since her mother left, and when she gets to the edge of the bed she hesitates. His arm is hanging off the bed and on the wrist Jemilla can just see what looks like a book on his wrist, except it looks grey and she forces herself to back away from the bed. She is almost at the door when he wakes up, and in seeing her frightened face, eyes not able to stop flickering to his arm, he connects the dots. 

Jemilla has never seen her dad so angry, not even when her mum left. He shouts at her to go back to bed and she runs, curls into a ball under the covers and cries herself back to sleep. The next morning he makes her pancakes and tells her he is sorry for shouting. He tells her that when people lose their soulmate, whether they die or they just break the bond through not loving each other anymore, the mark turns grey. He says it never fades though, and doesn’t talk to her for the rest of the day. 

Jemilla decides she doesn’t need a soulmate, she never wants to feel the pain she sees in her dad’s eyes and decides she can live on her own.

**Zazzalil**

Zazzalil lives with her aunt Emma now. Her bracelet is different, but she still has one. Emberly was right when she said that people ask stupid questions. Emma has a soulmark too, but she hasn’t met her soulmate yet and she’s an adult. She tells Zazz that it’s supposed to be the best feeling in the world when you are in love with your soulmate, and it doesn’t matter how old you are when it happens. 

Zazzalil’s stories about her perfect future haven’t changed, it’s still her, Keeri, her soulmate and her soulmate’s best friend living in a house together with four dogs, lots of chickens and at least two pet rats. But she’s started to notice that her soulmate has never really been more than a blank space with the label “soulmate”. Emberly talks about her soulmate like she knows everything about him, and maybe she does. But Zazzalil doesn’t know anything about her soulmate, and she doesn’t really understand why. 


	3. age 12

**12**

**Jemilla**

When she is 12 Jemilla’s dad dies of a heart attack, she finds the body when she goes to investigate why he isn’t up to have a silent breakfast with her. The first thing she does when she figures out he is dead is tie his leather band around his wrist, then she calls the police. She sits at the kitchen table in her school uniform and talks to a police woman while paramedics wheel her dad out on a stretcher. She stays in a group home for three days until the same police officer turns up with a woman who would be around the same age as her dad, her name is Molag, and Jemilla goes to live with her. 

Molag’s house isn’t far away from Jemilla’s old one, they stop at the old house on the way and Molag gives Jemilla a packet of post-it notes and a cardboard box. She tells her to put a sticky note on anything big she wants to keep and have in her room at Molag’s house, and to put all her clothes and smaller things into the cardboard box.

She doesn’t have many clothes or toys, but she asks Molag if she can keep all the books and the woman puts a post-it on every bookcase in the house with the words “and content” on them. They go through her dad’s room together and Molag puts all of his t-shirts and most of his shirts into a box, even a few pairs of levis Jemilla doesn’t remember him ever wearing. Jemilla wants the leather jacket that is at the back of the wardrobe and when molag lifts it out there is a large box underneath it. It has Jemilla's mother’s name on it and Molag carries it out to her car with the others without opening it. They take the safe too and Jemilla sits on the front step while Molag puts more post-its on the furniture. She doesn’t cry until two days later. 

**Zazzalil**

When Zazzalil is twelve she watches horror films on 123movies when Emma is asleep, in one of them Mila Kunis kisses a  _ girl _ and she’s so zoned out after that she doesn’t even have nightmares. She knows what gay people are, she just hasn’t really thought about it, and anyway, all the gay people she knows are older than Emma so they aren’t very interesting. Now she realises why her soulmate has never had any defining features or characteristics, she deep dives on youtube, has one reevaluation about why pirates of the carribean is her favorite film and decides she is definitely a lesbian. 

The first thing she does is tell Keeri, like always. All that changes is that now the soulmate in their imaginary future is a woman, Kerri says that that’s more fun anyway because boys are horrible and aren’t allowed on sleepovers. 

She doesn’t tell Emma. 

**Jemilla**

She doesn’t tell Molag about her soulmate mark, she supposes that she probably does know, but Jemilla always wears long sleeves now so maybe not. Molag seems to be giving her space anyway. She does try more than her dad ever did though, she talks to her at breakfast and asks her how school was when she comes home. She even goes to her school concert to watch her sing in the choir, beaming at her from the third row and Jemilla has never felt more proud. 

Molag finds out about the soulmark indefinitely when Jemilla breaks her arm falling off her bike 3 months after her dad died. She doesn’t mention it in the hospital. In fact, it isn’t until a week later, on a clear friday night, that they talk about it. Molag knocks on her door and asks her if she wants to see the stars, though she doesn’t quite wait for an answer and just throws her a hoodie, smiling in a way that never fails to make Jemilla feel just a little bit less alone. Molag pulls the blankets from her bed and opens the window, then she disappears out of the room again. While living here Jemilla has noticed that Molag is strange, she is kind though, and interesting to talk to and always makes an effort to make Jemilla feel welcome. Jemilla feels that she will really like Molag, however strange she is.

Molag comes back with a foam mattress under her arm and props it up beside the window, then she climbs out onto the small lip below the windowsill, turns around and climbs onto the roof above Jemilla’s bedroom. Jemilla doesn’t know what to do and she almost screams when Molag’s face appears upside down in the window. She asks Jemilla to pass her the mattress and blankets and she does as she’s told. Once she’s climbed up they lie side by side on the mattress on the roof, wrapped in blankets and Molag tells her about the stars. 

They talk for hours, and then Molag sits up and turns to Jemilla. 

“What do you know about soulmates?” she says, and Jemilla tells her all that her preschool teacher and her dad had told her. Though she leaves out the part about burning leather. Molag nods, and tells her more. She tells her that a soulmark is the strongest bond in the universe, and that the people who are connected by it are only the most perfect for each other. She tells her that it’s like a fairy story, but that fate does not come without choice. She tells her that the person who is her soulmate will be perfect for her in every way, but that doesn’t mean they won’t have to make a relationship work themselves. She says that whoever has a mark that connects to Jemilla's will suit her in every way, and challenge her in every way, and that she just needs to make sure that they deserve her. 

Molag switches back to talking about the stars without much hesitation but Jemilla is only half paying attention. She falls asleep thinking about stars and soulmates, and tries not to think too hard about how she was able to wake up in her own bed. 

**Zazzalil**

She doesn’t mean to hide her queerness from Emma, it just doesn't come up, and then time passes and she hasn’t told her and she feels more and more like she  _ should _ tell her, and then she gets more and more nervous about how she might react. She ignores it, for the most part, but Emma asks her more often if she is okay, and then Keeri starts to ask too so maybe she isn’t so relaxed as she thinks. 

She draws, she always has, she owns sketchbooks and sketchbooks filled with little pictures and blueprints, drawings of cars and people and houses. She watches a music video with a lesbian couple in and she tries to draw a still from it, tries and tries, because drawing people kissing is hard and then she has pages of girls kissing in her sketchbook and she doesn’t want Emma to see them. 

Emma does see them though, because Zazzalil is very forgetful and easily distracted. She leaves her sketchbook out on the coffee table when Emma calls her to come and have dinner and afterwards she goes straight from the kitchen into her room to do homework. Emma finds it, closed on the table when she enters the room and calls Zazz to come and get it. She picks it up and drops it right when Zazzalil comes into the doorway and it opens on what Zazz desperately didn’t want her to see. Emma probably wouldn’t’ve thought much of it, she is barley more observant than Zazz even if she is older, but the fact that her niece immediately runs back to her room and slams the door behind her, breaking into sobs Emma can hear though the thin walls of the flat, makes it very apparent that it wasn’t just some reference practice. 

Emma, surprisingly to only Zazzalil, is wonderful about it, and tells her a little bashfully that she isn’t sure whether her soulmate is going to be a man or a woman. Zazzalil dries her tears and talks to her aunt properly for the first time in a while, and that night they both sleep in Emma’s bed like they used to when they first started living together. The next morning Zazzalil is back to being exactly how she was, except that Emma has ordered her a pride flag and she feels so much lighter than she has in far too long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters are getting longer now, and angstier, slightly :)


	4. age 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we do be meeting some tribe today folks :)

**15**

**Jemilla**

Jemilla has a crush on a boy in her year, he is gorgeous. He plays basketball and rugby and sings in the choir with her, his name is Clark and he doesn’t have a soulmark. He asks her out after choir practice and they get slushies and chips in the sports centre cafe and sit in the park. He is wonderful in every way and Jemilla is sure she could fall in love with him, maybe she already has. She tells Molag about him and she smiles at Jemilla and tells her to invite him for dinner, they kiss for the first time outside Jemilla’s house and she tells herself it’s perfect. 

When they break up Molag buys her ice cream and they look at the stars on the roof like they used to when Jemilla was younger. Molag doesn’t say anything about soulmates but Jemilla knows she didn’t expect Clark to last. She decides some time into her post-breakup-weekend-wallow that she will never have a soulmate, her mother left her dad and they were soulmates and if a regular breakup feels like this then a soulmate breakup must be so much worse.

**Zazzalil**

When they are 15 two things happen. Keeri tells Zazzalil that she doesn’t want to date anyone, and a boy called Grant moves to their school. The first thing isn’t especially surprising, Keeri is the only person in her family without a soulmark and still after all these years the house she and Zazzalil are going to live in together only has one romantic couple in it. 

The second thing is a big deal, because three days after moving into their school, Grant is partnered up with Emberly for a science project. It isn’t even 20 minutes into the lesson when they touch hands and both yell like they’re in pain and jump apart. The teacher stops the lesson and Grant, Emberly, Keeri, and Zazzalil get to go to the office while the rest of the class finishes the experiment. When Emberly and Grant take off their bands their soulmarks are different shapes, but the outline has filled in and a second, smaller mark has appeared next to the first an exact replica of the other persons. Keeri squeals in joy over Emberly’s wrist, a little green cupcake beside the pink paintbrush she’s had since they first met.

The school phones their parents and they both get to go home early, and when Zazzalil and Keeri get back to class the teacher is explaining why they both shouted out in pain. She says that because the soulmate bond is so strong, the feeling when a person touches their soulmate for the first time is supposed to be the most painful. She says that people have described it as a similar feeling to being branded with red hot metal, except that metal brands take months to heal and soulmarks stop hurting almost immediately. 

Now that Emberly has met her soulmate they are inseparable, on the day they found out their families had gone out to dinner together and it turned out that they all had a lot in common. Grant becomes a permanent member of their little group and Zazzalil is happy for them, really, she just wants to meet her soulmate more than ever now. She does more research and she sees that lot’s of people have compared the feeling to hot metal, but Zazzalil doesn’t have the best memory and can’t remember anytime she’s been burnt even though she has a few scars from baking mishaps. She wants to know what it will feel like, she wants to know her soulmate, she wishes more than anything that they could communicate through the soulbond - but that only happens in stories. 

One day she is bored, Emma’s working, Keeri’s at a dance camp for the weekend, and Grant and Emberly are probably discovering the joys of underage sex together (even if the laws are a little malleable when it comes to soulmates).

She heats up a spoon on one of the gas rings and waits until it’s redhot, she has a bowl of cold water next to her, but she really isn’t prepared for the pain when she presses the spoon onto her soulmark-free wrist. It feels like there is fire in her veins, it’s the most pain she has ever been in and she’s broken at least 4 of her bones, she drops the spoon onto the counter and shoves her hand and wrist into the water bowl. It really doesn't help much. 

By the time Emma gets home the pain has receded enough for her to be able to take her arm out of the water and wrap it in a wet cloth. She managed to clear up the mess and almost got rid of the burn mark where she dropped the spoon before she gave up. She looks up how to treat a burn and follows the instructions, even finding a small roll of bandage in the first aid kit Emma keeps under the sink in the bathroom. She thinks that she might’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for the 30° heat and her self proclaimed hatred of long sleeves, both things which made the fact that her shirt sleeves weren’t rolled up seem highly suspicious.

Emma, like any responsible guardian might, goes absolutely apeshit. She demands to see the burn and then tells her the bluntest way possible that she is no longer allowed to be left alone in the flat. Zazzalil thinks that, while she certainly isn’t planning on pulling any more stunts like this in the foreseeable future, it’s probably a fair punishment and doesn't argue. 


	5. age 18

**18**

**Jemilla**

Her first year of university is almost perfect, she got into her dream course, she made friends quickly, and she participates in enough clubs that she feels suitably involved in university life. She even goes to a few parties, though she keeps her classes top priority. In fact, the only problem she can think of at all is Elizabeth Lopez. 

The girl is a nightmare, she’s working to get a masters in engineering science. They only have one class together and they don’t interact, but then Zazzalil starts turning up at the debate club meetings. Apparently she’s friends with one of the boys who’s in political history with Jemilla, but she doesn’t really understand why an engineering student would want to do debate. 

She doesn’t even do it properly, really, she just seems to be good at arguing and have it in for Jemilla. She doesn’t debate _badly_ or anything _,_ but her style is irritating, and every time they end up on the opposite sides of the room they go back and forth until the leader ends the meeting. It’s become something of a running joke now, that “Jemilla and Zazzalil were against each other” is a valid excuse for being late to 2pm lectures. Jemilla’s friends Ducker and Schwoopsie think it’s really funny, and the rest of the group have a good go at fighting them both if they do end up on the same side, they haven't managed to win yet. Even on her own there isn’t anyone who can argue against Jemilla except Zazzalil, and she won’t deny it’s exactly the sort of practice she was looking for when she joined the club, but Zazzalil is still annoying. With her messy hair and carefree attitude that everyone else thinks is charming. She only seems to own three hoodies and she has a smirk that drives Jemilla wild. With anger, of course.

**Zazzalil**

Zazzalil loves university, it’s amazing. She has made so many new friends and Keeri, Emberly, and Grant are there too. The structure is hard to get used to but she is actually interested in what she’s being taught and it’s worth the extra effort. Her only problem is debate club, she loves the actual club, she loves the meetings, the debates, most of the people. Except Jemilla, she’s a total bitch, smart, and stuck up, and prissy, with perfect hair and gorgeous, symmetrical, brown eyes, and she seems to hate her. Zazzalil gets over it though, and makes it her new favorite hobby to wind Jemilla up to no end, she does it barely in the rules of debate, but she doesn't actually cross the line. 

Unfortunately, by the end of the year Jemilla’s friends and Zazzalil’s own have become more and more mutual. Until they are always going to the same parties and nights out and protests. It’s fine though, it turns out Jemilla is slightly less of a bitch outside debate club - even if she’s still a little stuck up to be Zazzalil’s type. They aren’t friends by the end of the year, but they aren’t enemies either.


	6. age 19

**19**

After the summer the newly merged friendship group decide that the best way to deal with moving out of student accommodation is to all rent a place together. They find a converted warehouse not far from campus with enough rooms for all of them - 10 in total - and communal living space. To celebrate after they’ve all turned up and moved in they go out for drinks at a bar across town. 

**Jemilla**

She doesn’t really want to go out, but her friends are all going and she might as well have some fun before the year starts. While she had been home Molag had been dropping some less than subtle queries about Jemilla’s soulmate situation, apparently it’s most common for people to meet their soulmate in university. Jemilla doesn’t have the heart to tell her that she doesn’t want to find her soulmate, and is furiously ignoring the fact that in the moments before she stops herself from thinking about it, her soulmate is firmly a woman with messy brown hair. 

**Zazzalil**

By the time the first people in their group get to the front of the line, at some club across town, the excitement has worn off. Really, Zazzalil would rather be getting drunk in the living room of their new digs. Her mood drop isn’t helped by the fact that she’s ended up at the back of the group next to Jemilla, who looks about as thrilled to be here as Zazzalil would imagine a mother being a chaperone at another person’s kid’s birthday party.

Zazzalil has her earphones in, she doesn’t want to talk to Jemilla, but each time they shuffle forward in line Jemilla seems to get closer to her until their shoulders are brushing. She also seems very stiff and Zazzalil doesn’t quite believe that even Jemilla could hate the idea of going clubbing that much, so she turns off her music to see what’s going on. Immediately she hears the drunk man behind them slurring something gross at Jemilla from her other side, from the way their shoulders knock together suggests that he probably leant closer to her while he said it. Zazzalil grimaces and looks up at Jemilla, she is stubbornly staring at Ducker’s jacket in front of her but her eyebrows are drawn together in a way that Zazzalil knows means she’s uncomfortable. She’s seen that look many times before, but now she feels anger welling up in her instead of whatever joy she had gained from winning their debates last year.

Jemilla doesn’t look at her, though Zazzalil knows she must have seen her look up and guesses that, if she had missed this drunk asshole spouting derogatory comments then her music must’ve been loud enough for Jemilla to hear. She hates herself for being so unobservant.

The guy says something else, it’s so disgusting Zazzalil can’t help sticking her head around Jemilla’s shoulder and telling him to fuck right off. immediately Jemilla grabs her shoulder and pulls her back, Zazzalil can feel the glare on the side of her face but she doesn’t look away from the drunk bastard. He seems to be reeling, looking between her and Jemilla with a scowl.

“She with you sweetheart? Your guard dog or something?” his words are slurred and he stumbles closer to Zazzalil, she holds her ground. 

“Fuck off, asshole, she doesn’t want to speak to you.” she almost growls it, not quite sure where all this anger is coming from - she wants to stick it to some ‘girl code’ but that doesn’t quite cover it. 

Jemilla’s hand is wrapped securely around her elbow now, as if to hold her back, Zazzalil can feel the heat of her hand through her denim jacket, but she tells herself the way her heart speeds up is pure adrenalin. 

Afterwards, Zazzalil can’t quite remember what happened. She knows he said something  _ horrific _ , she knows he lurched towards Jemilla as if to grab onto her arm, but she can’t recall what he said exactly. Can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in her ears, and then she’s being lifted up and pulled away by Ducker, her right hand throbbing and blood is pouring from the asshole’s now broken nose. She  _ punched  _ him, brilliant. 

They get kicked out of the line, well, Zazzalil gets kicked out of the line and Jemilla goes with her. The bouncer escorts the asshole off to wait for a ride to the hospital and with one backwards glare Zazzalil and Jemilla start the walk back to their house. 


	7. the reveal

**Jemilla**

She hasn’t been this angry in a long time, who is  _ Zazzalil _ of all people to swoop in and hit creepy guys for her. Jemilla can defend herself perfectly well, even if she had chosen not too. Surprisingly, Zazzalil walks in silence for nearly 5 minutes, Jemilla thinks it must be a record. Then, as they turn into a side road on the edge of main street, Zazzalil bursts out laughing. 

To start with Jemilla just stares at her in disbelief while she is hunched over  _ cackling.  _ Jemilla herself doesn’t actually see how this is in any way funny, and Zazzalils ceaseless laughter only serves to make the anger running through her veins bubble up into her throat. 

“What the _actual_ _fuck_ Zazzalil?” 

Zazzalil looks up at her and her laughs subdue to just giggles, it doesn’t help Jemilla’s anger at all. “Are you really such a fucking  _ moron? _ He was almost twice your height. Not that actually matters, you shouldn’t go around hitting people!” she’s barely managing to keep her voice level and zazzalil sobers up slightly 

“Gee j-mills, he was an asshole, he deserved it. Noone should talk to anyone like that and get away with it.” she leans against the wall of the alley in what Jemilla assumes is an attempt to look nonchalant. 

“I don’t need to be  _ defended  _ zazzalil. I’m not some kind of damsel. I was dealing with it fine.” Zazzalil has the audacity to scoff and pushes off the wall again, stepping closer to Jemilla 

“Oh yeah, because ignoring drunk men always makes them leave you alone. You were doing such a great job Jemilla” she snarls, pushing unruly flyaways out of her eyes with her hand. 

Jemilla’s anger becomes somewhat secondary at the sight of Zazzalil’s hand, her knuckles are already bruising and there is blood drying around the first two. It looks painful. 

“Shit Zazz, that looks bad. Let me see?” she reaches forward to grab zazzalil’s wrist but she moves out of the way. “Christ Zazzalil, stop being such a child.” This time she manages to catch Zazzalil’s wrist in her hand. As her hand makes contact with Zazzalil’s bare skin the worst pain she has ever felt shoots from her wrist and up her arm. Zazzalil pulls back with a yelp and clutches her wrist with her other hand, she quickly pulls up her sleeve and wristband and stares at the now filled in, teal feather. 

Jemilla doesn’t look at her own soulmark, she just stares at Zazzalil and feels panic hammer through her. She doesn’t want a soulmate, she doesn’t even  _ like  _ Zazzalil. Except she does, she’s  _ always _ liked Zazzalil, only she’s been hiding it with anger and arguments and now she doesn’t know what to do. Zazzalil still hasn’t looked up from her wrist, she seems transfixed and even though Jemilla can’t see her expression she can only imagine it must be horror. Even if Jemilla was lying to herself about hating Zazzalil, there is no way the other girl was doing the same, she got so much joy from winding her up and proving her wrong. Jemilla has never wanted a soulmate and now her soulmate doesn’t want her and she knows she should be glad about it but she just feels helpless, the hole she’s filled with denial her whole life suddenly open so wide it feels like it’s going to swallow her. 

“...Fuck.” she’s been talking the whole time, she realises, though she doesnt know what she’s said. Zazzalil looks up at then, and her face is more heartbreaking than Jemilla could have imagined. She looks like someone  _ died,  _ Jemilla chokes back a sob and turns, one wobbly pivot on her heel, and runs as fast as she can. She hears Zazzalil call after her but she doesn’t stop until she’s locking her bedroom door collapsing onto the bed. She kicks off her shoes and curls up, soulmark wrist to her chest, and cries into her fresh bedding. 

**Zazzalil**

_ Jemilla _ is her  _ soulmate _ . It shouldn't be possible, they've spent so long hating each other - not that Zazzalil has ever actually hated Jemilla, really, but it was clear that Jemilla hated her, however much Zazzalil secretly wished she didn’t. Eventually maybe she had convinced herself that Jemilla wasn't easy to like with her perfect face and manners only she had been able to ruffle. Now she wishes she hadn’t been so quick to wind Jemilla up at every opportunity, that she had tried harder when she was offered an olive branch once their friends had become each other's friends. 

They had stood in silence, Zazzalil unable to pull her eyes away from her soukmark, now filled in with the most beautiful shade of blue she has ever seen, now so much more exquisite than it ever was as just an outline, a little purple flame just beside it. She had just stared at it until Jemilla started muttering, she could barely make out the words but when she chanced a glance up at Jemilla's face she regretted it instantly. She was muttering still, the odd word understandable - "god" and "soulmate" and "Zazzalil" and "no no no no no". They cut into Zazzalil more and more with each repetition, her bruised hand beginning to throb with how tightly she was gripping her wrist. Jemilla’s expression was worse, somehow, that her words - eyes screwed up and her wrist held against her chest as if she'd been burned, which Zazzalil supposed she had been. she looked down at her own arm again, trying to stop the tears threatening to run down her face, Keeri had put so much effort into this eyeliner, she wasn't going to ruin it on  _ Jemilla. _

"fuck" 

she looked up, Jemilla's eyes were wide and panicked, Zazzalil could only imagine how she looked with unruly tears running down her face and a carefully blank expression. Then Jemilla was gone, had run off into the night and left Zazzalil alone and heartbroken in an alley at 20 past 8 on a saturday evening. 


	8. sleepless nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the kids aren't alright

**Zazzalil**

_ Jemilla _ , she decided, well into her third cocktail - something fruity and very alcoholic - isn't worth her time. She's stuck up, and boring, and really really pretty. She knocks back the rest of her drink to stop herself from crying again, she doesn't need to start sobbing in this shitty bar of all places, and not for Jemilla especially. She looks morosely at a spot on the bartop and is so lost in her thoughts she doesn't notice when a tall dark haired woman sits on the stool next to her until she places another cocktail down on the coaster Zazzalil has been fiddling with.

She looks up, startled, and the woman smirks, she's only been here 20 seconds and Zazzalil already knows what she wants. she should politely decline before this woman can get her hopes up, she wants to say no and curl up in a corner somewhere and wallow in self pity. But a small and overriding part of her brain tells her she should go with it, like payback, payback to a woman who doesn't give a shit about her, who hates her and is disgusted by the fact that they are soulmates. Zazzalil feels sick, but she plasters on a smile and flirts back for all of five minutes until the woman - Daisy - leans close into her and asks her if she wants to go "someplace private". She says yes, because she's an idiot, and she doesn't throw up in the cab to Daisy's hotel, or the lift to her floor even though she really wants to. She follows her in and lets herself be kissed against the door and giggles like she's expected too when Daisy makes a comment about having to “improvise” because of her banged up hand. She makes good of it too, and even manages to fake it convincingly enough to have the other woman roll off her to go to the bathroom. 

Daisy tells her she can stay the night, she does, because she isn't quite sure how to say no. She eats her out again in the shower, but keeps her wristband on the whole time, and when Daisy is asleep beside her at past one in the morning she stares at the ceiling and thinks about luck. She thinks about how 4 hours ago the prospect of spending the night in a pretty stranger’s bed would have seemed a brilliant way to end her night out. Now all she sees when she closes her eyes is Jemilla’s wide, horrified expression and she hates herself for not being who she wanted. Jemilla was probably expecting some suave lawyer who has hair and manners as good as hers, not Zazzalil who can barely get out of bed in the morning and owns 4 identical hoodies in different shades of brown because she kept leaving them at home in winter and buying new ones because she was cold.

The light up alarm clock on the bedside table tells her it’s 2:45 when she gives up on sleep and sneaks out of the hotel room, and then she is wandering around downtown on sunday morning alone. She’s sober now, but her stomach is churning like she’s had too much tequila and the silent side streets feel like somewhere that isn’t quite earth. She knows the way back to the house but it’s miles to walk, still, she doesn’t call a cab or a friend. She wants to be alone really, wants to think over everything before she has to face Jemilla again.

She gets almost half way home before she looks at her soulmark again and she does throw up this time, the blue that was so vibrant her whole life as an outline and only hours ago as block colour has started to fade. She’s read about this happening to people who’s soulmate has died or to couples who split up, but she never imagined it happening to her. As she sits against a shop front she watches the colour reduce more and more until the feather on her wrist is a pale grey all over. Then she lets herself cry, curled up beside a puddle of vomit on a cute road at the top of a hill with little shops and terraced houses like the one she and Keeri had always imagined living in with her soulmate, with  _ Jemilla  _ who doesn’t love her and never will. She cries until she can’t anymore and then she watches the sun rise over the city. When the last streak of orange has faded to blue and the city starts to wake she picks herself up and walks the rest of the way home. 

**Jemilla**

She wakes up with the sun the same as always and for a few seconds lies peacefully, bathed in morning light. Then it all crashes back into her memory like a brakeless freight train. She scowls at the ceiling and thinks back to when the others got home, some hours after she had arrived out of breath and panting with sweat and tears mingling on her cheeks and running down her neck. Most of her housemates had stumbled into the foyer below her room around one am, a group including SB because he kept shrieking, Shwoopsie because she was egging him on, and Emberly because Jemilla heard her trying to make them be quiet. As far as she could tell Zazalil wasn’t with them.

She had almost fallen asleep in her misery when the second smaller group spent the best part of ten minutes trying to unlock the already open front door, Keeri was there because she loudly tried to befriend the local cat, but Jemilla guessed Zazzalil wasn’t with them either because if she had been Keeri would have been hanging off her arm as usual. She feels sick at that thought and pushes it down, she has no right to have feelings about who Zazzalil might or might not be seeing. In fact, she should be glad that Zazzalil is happy with someone, it’ll be easier for Jemilla to tell her she doesn’t want a soulmate if it works out well for Zazzalil too. 

She remembers with slight worry, that the door stayed shut well into Sunday morning before she fell asleep around 4, she wonders where Zazzalil might have been. But she pushes those thoughts away too, Zazzalil is fine, she doesn’t need Jemilla to worry about her. She might have even come home with Emberly and the rest and Jemilla just didn’t hear her, that was probably it. Zazzalil is fine. 


	9. the next morning

**Jemilla**

She’s exhausted, really and truly, she gets up blearily to get on with her day. 7am is a quiet time in the house, especially after they had been out the night before, so Jemilla is silent as she collects her things and walks to the small bathroom she shares with a few of her housemates. It’s early, she’s tired, and she’s only been in the building for a few days at this point so it takes until she’s picking up the wrong bottle of shampoo and filling the room with the familiar scent of vanilla before she remembers that one of the people she shares the bathroom with is Zazzalil. She stalls with her shampoo covered hand halfway to her head, eyes staring sightlessly at the glass for a few seconds. Then she blinks, deciding it won’t bother her, deciding not to waste the shampoo she’s already poured, and tells herself she got it in her eyes when she can’t pretend her tears are just the shower water. 

When she undressed her eyes were half closed with sleep and the scum of too many tears, so she doesn’t notice the change of colour of her soulmark until she’s reaching for her conditioner. The grey takes a second to register, years of this exact fear stopping her in her tracks, then the bottle slips through her fingers and bounces on the bottom of the stall with a crack. She breaks in tandem with the sound, one second standing and the next knelt in swirling water sobbing helplessly under pummeling heat and the flood of every feeling she’s ever tried to subdue. It’s a different shade of grey than was on her dad’s wrist the last time she ever saw him, but it’s the worst loss she’s felt since that day. She didn’t think she would ever miss the purple that’s outlined the flame for most of her life, but in this moment she wishes more than anything that she’d looked at it while it was all that colour instead of keeping it hidden away until too late. 

Once she’s out of the shower she dresses in silence and lies flat on her floor, staring up at the ceiling. She had thought last night that she would eventually have to run out of tears, but now, as they fall unhindered down her temples and into her hair, she isn’t so sure. 

She falls asleep again long before anyone else in the house starts to wake up, and doesn’t stir until much later when the door opens and shuts, and then Tyblin screams. 

**Zazzalil**

she gets a few odd looks walking around the city at half 6 in the morning, but it's more because of her puffy eyes than her clothes so after a while they stop. she gives up on going home right when she's nearly there, switching directions to go to a small coffee shop a few streets away instead. She fixes her makeup in the toilet, getting rid of the sorry excuse for lipstick that was left after her one night stand and wipes away the few bits of black that have escaped Keeri's perfect wing. If nothing else, she now knows the waterproof eyeliner and mascara she bought last week are brilliant. Her eyes are still a little red in the mirror, and the barista gives her a sympathetic look when she orders her coffee, but she doesn't get stares from the other early morning patrons so she thinks she's doing alright. Even so, there is a burning in her wrist that is entirely different from the pain that lingered for days after her "experiment" with hot metal when she was 15. Honestly, she would rather take the brand again, at least it was only skin deep. 

Once she's drawn out her coffee longer than should be humanly possible she gives up her table to a harassed looking man and his small child and wanders around. Her phone tells her it's 20 past eight, there is no way anyone in the house will be awake by now - she could sneak in easily, but she knows that whatever shred of stability she has held on to will snap when she sees Jemilla. She walks along the canal and considers moving back home with Emma, dropping out of university and just getting a job at the local mechanics, she has the Highers for an apprenticeship. But then she remembers that Emma has finally met her soulmate, and they are fresh and new and very very in love, she can't go back to that. She sits on the nearest bench and before she really notices she's fallen asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Zazzalil**

When she wakes up again it’s 1 in the afternoon. She yawns and stretches, feeling the melancholy sinking back into her bones and decides she has to go home sooner or later. She hesitates outside the front door but there is movement inside and the people in the kitchen have already seen her. Keeri opens the door before she has a chance too and wraps her in a hug that makes Zazzalil want to break down in her arms and tell her everything. 

It seems everyone except Jemilla are all crammed into the shared kitchen, all at varying levels of hungover. Emberly is cooking, she smiles at Zazz over her shoulder and steals a strawberry off grant’s chopping board grinning up at his mock outrage. Emotions churn up in Zazzalil’s stomach again and she has to push back tears, thankfully, Tiblyn takes that moment to notice her hand - now a horrific mix of shades of purple and black. The scream she lets out is less than welcome in a room full of hungover students, but Zazzalil is glad of the distraction even though it means her hand being fussed over for the best part of 20 minutes before Tiblyn concedes that it’s not broken and as long as she puts antiseptic on it will be fine. 

She thinks she might get away without further questioning, but as she’s on her way out of the door Ducker looks up from his arms with only slightly unfocussed eyes 

“Where were you last night Zazz? I thought you were gonna come back with Jemilla after you went all Nicola Adams on that guy” he mimes a punch and overshoots, slumping back over the table. The room laughs, all seemingly content to watch this conversation unfold, Zazzalil sighs.

“I went to a different bar, went home with someone and then walked back from downtown” she tries to sound nonchalant, avoids looking any of her friends in the eyes, and doesn’t mention Jemilla. She prays they’ll drop it and they do, not before SB wolf whistles and Keeri loudly demands she be told all at a later date, but she takes that as a win and nearly runs up the stairs to shower. 

**Jemilla**

Jemilla doesn’t know how this keeps getting worse, years of swearing she would never meet her soulmate and she turns up as a woman who hates her. And now the revelation that Zazzalil didn’t make it home last night at all, she went to a different bar, she went home with a different woman, she slept with someone else on the night they found out they’re soulmates. Jemilla drapes her hands over her face and listens distractedly to the happy noise from the kitchen and the running water from Zazzalil’s shower. She tries not to think about Zazzalil kissing some faceless woman in a bar, in the back of a cab, tries not to think of kissing Zazzalil herself. She doesn’t want that, Zazzalil doesn’t want that, she pushes away the thoughts and studies her ceiling. Catching feelings now won’t do her any good, she’ll just have to sit this one out. 


	11. an intervention

**Neutral pov**

It takes less than 5 hours for the rest of the tribe (as they call themselves now) to catch on that something isn’t right. While Zazzalil spending hours cooped up in her room is not unusual, it certainly is for Jemilla, and the two of them both seemingly deciding to hibernate the day after they didn’t walk home together is suspicious enough to require investigation. 

They hold a meeting in the living room, all hanging off various mismatched pieces of furniture facing Emberly, who in the absence of Jemilla being organised and Zazzalil questioning her, is leading the inquiry. They come to the unanimous decision that something must have happened last night and from there it’s just a matter of what to do about it. 

It’s eventually clear that speculation won’t tell them anything and that they need to get information from the source, or sources. And so, Keeri and Schwoopsie prepare to be sent in to complete phase one of “what’s up with Zazz and Jemilla?; the worst formed plan since Ducker’s birthday”.

It takes Keeri a grand total of nearly five minutes before Zazzalil is sobbing into her shoulder and telling her everything, frankly, they are both a little shocked that she didn't spill everything to Keeri the second shit went down. Jemilla is harder to crack, even if Schwoopsie opens the door to her friend lying flat on the floor with the sides of her hair wet with tears. Eventually though she does manage to get Jemilla to give her the basic run down, even if “ _ Zazzalil  _ is my  _ soulmate”  _ comes out so choked she nearly doesn’t understand. 

They were supposed to share their findings with the rest of the tribe all together, but Schwoopsie and Keeri both decide it’s a much more sensitive matter than anyone had predicted. So they end up having a hushed discussion in the small bathroom between Jemilla and Zazzalil’s rooms, firing back and forth with the information they were given and trying to establish the full picture. They come up a little short, not wanting to tell the rest of the tribe about the soulmate thing before Jemilla and Zazzalil are ready but still needing to do something. 

What they end up telling the tribe is an abridged version of the whole story - anyone who’s ever met them both knows that Jemilla and Zazzalil are stupidly in love with each other and just too stubborn to admit it to themselves - so it is reasonably easy to convince them that they had a run in about that and are still being stubborn, it’s not far from the truth anyway. 

After some truly chaotic plotting the tribe come up with a phase two for their plan: to trap Jemilla and Zazzalil in a room together and keep them there until they figure it out. In all honesty it’s not much of a plan and more of a backseat intervention, but it’s the idea that has the least interaction from SB and Ducker and so has the least room for error. 

**Jemilla**

Schwoopsie coming back into her room less than an hour after she left isn’t what she expected, not to mention the silence in the rest of the house really sets the mood as suspicious, but she’s exhausted and feels kinda bad for spending the whole day in her room so she agrees to come and watch a film in the small common room on this floor. Schwoopsie swears it’s not going to be the whole tribe and Jemilla has no real reason to disbelieve her, so she goes. 

The suspicion ramps up when as soon as they get to the room Schwoopsie mumbles something about popcorn and disappears faster than Jemilla has ever seen her move, but she sits down and stays put regardless. In moments she’s zoned out, which is probably the only reason she doesn’t realise what’s happening early enough to make an escape. Instead she only realises exactly how badly this is going to go when Keeri is already through the doorway with Zazzalil draped over her shoulder, kicking and not quite screaming. The door is blocked by members of the tribe, looking on with varying expressions from worry(Emberly, Grant, and Tiblyn) to pure glee (SB) even Chorn is looking over Tiblyn’s shoulder to watch Zazzalil be thrown bodily onto the sofa on the side of the room from Jemilla. 

Zazzalil tries to get up again but Keeri must have one hell of a death stare because she slumps down again without further fighting, instead curling into the cushions away from the rest of the room, away from Jemilla who sways slightly where she stands then sits down resignedly and waits as the tribe are ushered away from the door. She isn’t surprised to hear the bolt they had sworn never to use on the outside of the door pushed home, trapping her in a room with Zazzalil, her nemesis and also soulmate. 


	12. before it gets better...

**Zazzalil**

Once the room is locked Zazzalil hears Jemilla sigh and chances a glance in her direction, only to find herself staring right into Jemilla’s eyes. Zazzalil looks away first, turning her face back into the couch cushions and trying (unsuccessfully) not to think about anything. Instead she just scrabbles around in her brain to see if she remembers the meditation Emma was obsessed with for all of two months, but her aunt's words are interrupted by her own unhelpful thoughts about Jemilla and fate, and really Zazzalil is so close to going full emo again if this doesn’t fix itself.

After 20 minutes her knees are sore from being curled up for so long, she isn’t going to move though - That might suggest defeat - she’s going to stay like this until she dies. Jemilla, to her credit, hasn’t tried to start a conversation yet, which is much more surprising than the intervention itself. Finally at the 30 minute mark there is shuffling from her side of the room and Zazzalil tenses and pinches herself to stop from looking over.

When Jemilla doesn't speak Zazzalil feels the emotions she’s been holding on to welling up in her stomach and swirling in her throat like vomit, she swallows in a vain attempt to keep them at bay but she can’t stop tears from seeping through her closed eyes and soaking into the cushions below her head. She takes slow breaths to hold back sobs and hopes Jemilla won’t notice her body shaking, unfortunately she seems to have as from behind Zazzalil there is more rustling and a small concerned noise that just makes her cry harder. 

**Jemilla**

Zazzalil is  _ crying _ , either that or she's having a stroke but Jemilla is pretty sure she can hear stifled sobbing from where Zazzalil has practically burrowed into one side of the old sofa. Before she can stop it she makes a small noise of distress and immediately blushes red, looking awkwardly away from Zazzalil who seems to now be crying harder. Jemilla sits up straight and wrings her hands, her stomach feels like it's held in an iron grip and there is a tickling at the back of her throat. Zazzalil lets out a particularly violent sob which is only half cut off and Jemilla's heart jumps, before she can think it through she has crossed the room to hover over Zazzalil. She wants to help  _ desperately, _ she wants to take all of Zazzalil's pain away but she has no idea how to, she feels tears well up in her own eyes and she reaches to touch Zazzalils back but withdraws her hand before it makes contact. Instead settling on her knees beside the couch, eye level with the back of Zazzalil’s head and clears her throat hesitantly.

"um, Zazzalil..." she starts but it comes out as a hoarse whisper, she clears her throat once more and starts again. trying to ignore how Zazzalil's body has gone stock still, she doesn't even seem to be breathing. "Look Zazzalil, I uh, I, I know you don't want to talk to me, but, uh" she wracks her brain for anything to say and "are you okay?" stutters out before she can stop it. She winces, of course she isn't okay, there is a moment of silence and then Zazzalil is staring her right in the face, hovering above her, twisted around on the sofa and propped up on one elbow. There are still tears running down her face but the main expression Jemilla can make out is pure and unfiltered  _ fury _ . Jemilla winces and has to look away, Zazzalil seems to take that as a cue because she sits up fully and draws in a deep breath.

" _ Am I okay? _ Jesus Christ Jemilla do you think I'm fucking okay? Do I look okay to you? I just found out that my _ soulmate, _ the person I have been waiting for my  _ entire fucking life, _ is a woman who hates me. And to top it all off within fucking  _ hours _ of finding out that woman is my soulmate my mark is already faded out. I have imagined meeting my soulmate since I was five years old but this is really something, huh, I'm so fucking buzzing to spend the rest of my life alone and worthless because it took us just long ebough to touch that you've already figured out you hate me." She cuts off with a sob and looks away from Jemilla to wipe her eyes roughly with the palm of her hand.

By the end of Zazzalil's speech tears are flowing down Jemilla's face as freely as they are Zazzalil's, though she forces herself to keep her eyes glued to the pain in her soulmate's expression. Forces herself to feel every bit of pain Zazzalil is screaming at her as if they shared feelings though their bond, as if internalising Zazzalil’s pain and fear and anger would make it all better. Zazzalil looks back up at her, fresh tears already spilling back over slightly raw looking skin. Jemilla finally looks away, dropping her head onto the sofa cushions, pulling her arms up to her face, and letting herself sob openly. she doesn’t have anything to say, just a lifetime of pain and hurt finally pouring out of her and she doesn't really know how to stop it. 


	13. the explanation

**Zazzalil**

she doesn't really know how to react, Jemilla totally breaking down was not something she could have foreseen. Jemilla has always been at least a little composed and while gentle, unobtrusive tears fit the image, pained sobs really don't. She looks at Jemilla, who seems in that moment to have completely given up on any semblance of personable farce, and wonders for the first time how they actually got here. It doesn't really seem as if Jemilla is totally indifferent to this, as she had almost expected, nor is she angry, not even as angry as Zazzalil. she just seems hopeless, and suddenly a wave of pity rushes through Zazzalil and she doesn't really know what to do with it. She want's Jemilla to go back to how she has always been, strong and sure and dependable, she would rather they fought again, like this was some kind of political debate and one of them has to play devil's advocate. Or even if they just went back to silence, at least in silence she can pretend that Jemilla doesn't have feelings.

She sits until she can't take it any more and then she is on the floor beside Jemilla, and she pulls her round into her arms. Jemilla doesn't even resist, she just goes from crying into her elbow and the couch to crying into Zazzalil’s shoulder, hands falling limply in her lap for a second before clutching onto Zazzalil's jumper like a lifeline. Zazzalil wraps her arms around Jemilla's shoulders and rests her cheek on the side of her head, she lets herself hold the thought that this feels so  _ right - _ that they fit together - just for a moment before filing it away and whispering soft words of support into Jemilla's hair. Rocking them gently from side to side like Emma used to do when she had nightmares as a child and slowly but surely, Jemilla's sobs even out into quiet, hiccupy breaths until she pulls away and wipes her eyes. 

Zazzalil sits back on her knees and waits, the anger from before is not quite gone, but overall she’s just tired. She wants to figure out what's going on so she can continue on with her life, with or without a soulmate. Jemilla clears her throat and stares at her knees, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She looks nervous, as if she's waiting to be yelled at again. 

"I'm sorry." she doesn't quite look up but her eyes make it from her own knees to Zazzalils so it's a start. Zazzalil sighs and leans against the sofa. 

"Sorry for what j-mills? a lot of shitty things have happened in the last few days.” She knows she sounds tired, really, really tired, but she is, so she doesn't care too much. Jemilla nods at that and seems to steel herself and then she is looking Zazzalil right in the eyes.

"I'm sorry I freaked out on you, I don't hate you, I don't think I ever hated you. I just… you're always so happy and free and, I dunno, laid back I guess." she swallows and her eyes flick to the floor and then back to Zazzlail's face before continuing.

"I never really wanted a soulmate, my parents didn't work out and my worst fear was always, you know." she gestures to their wrists and lets out a small, self deprecating huff. 

"I told myself I had a few more years before I had to worry about it, I wasn't expecting it to be someone I knew, I wasn't expecting, well, you I guess." she huffs again and wipes a few stray tears from her cheeks.

"I shouldn't be making excuses, I am sorry, really, I wish I didn't hurt you and I'm sorry you got me as your soulmate. I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing or how to navigate this without fucking it up. I have a plan for everything but I've avoided thinking about this for so long, I'm sorry I'm such a mess, Zazzalil, I'm sorry you have to deal with this." 

Zazzalil looks at her until Jemilla looks away again, she isn't sure what to say. the truth is somehow slightly anticlimactic, now she just feels empty and sad. Jemilla doesn't hate her, she was scared and Zazzalil interpreted fear as disgust and the whole time they were both hurting, they are both hurting still. She nods, even though Jemilla isn't looking at her, they still need to do so much talking. A lifetime of repression and two days of pain still need to be sorted through, but now she is slightly more sure she can convince Jemilla that soulmates aren't such a bad idea. Even if it's too late for them to be everything they could have been, Zazzalil just wants to be happy and she want's Jemilla to be happy too. She sits back up on the couch and pulls on Jemilla's arm until she is sat beside her, then she wraps her arms back around Jemilla's shoulders and pushes them both over until they are lying, facing each other on the sofa. Jemilla goes with it better than Zazzalil expected her too and after a few minor adjustments and some one handed rearranging of one of schwoopsies many chaos quilts from the back of the couch, they are curled up in each other’s arms. Within minutes, both fast asleep.


	14. the end

**Jemilla**

When she wakes up she is warm and safe, Zazzalil is asleep still, curled up in the crook of her neck with one arm draped loosely over Jemilla’s stomach. The sunlight on her skin makes her look like a goddess and Jemilla can’t help but smile. She realises, almost lazily, that the warm feeling in her chest is  _ love  _ and smiles wider. She presses a light kiss to the top of Zazzalil’s head and plays idly with her fingertips where they rest on top of the blanket, studying her face all the while. Zazzalil’s nose twitches and her brows furrow ever so slightly before she nuzzles further into Jemilla and flips her hand to intertwine their fingers. Jemilla stifles a laugh and kisses her head again, looking down at their joined hands.

It’s all she can do not to move or cry out, but Zazzalil notices her tense anyway and wakes up fully, looking up into Jemilla’s face with concern.

“What’s wrong j?” she mumbles, voice thick with sleep. Jemilla doesn’t reply, just stares dumbly at Zazzalil, squeezing her fingers. Zazzalil does cry out when she looks at their hands, and sits up so fast she almost knocks her head into Jemilla’s. Then she is holding her wrist, and she drops Jemilla’s left hand to pull her right out from under the blankets and undoing the leather band she always wears. There, on her wrist, is a purple flame. More vibrant than it has ever been. They look at eachother, staring deep into the other’s eyes, shiny with tears, and then they are kissing. Neither one quite sure who started it, but as their noses brush and their tears mix it feels an awful lot like coming home. 

"I love you." it takes a second for Jemilla to even register that she spoke and by then Zazzalil is kissing her again, passion and longing and the promise of a whole lot of making up. 

"I love you too j-mills. Can we try and make this our only giant fuck up though?" 

"that sounds perfect" they grin at each other, Zazzalil’s hand still tangled in Jemilla's bedhead. She spends a second just gazing into Zazzalils face, open, happy eyes and that dimple she is sure could start wars. The moment is broken, just as they are leaning back in, by a squeal from the now open door. And before they have time to do more than jump a few centimetres apart they are crushed under Keeri, who seems to be vibrating. She hooks an arm around each of their necks and even though Jemilla doesn't hear what she says she gets the gist. 

The noise was enough to wake an entire house of people Jemilla can't remember ever seeing before 11am, and soon the hug is a human pyramid and Emberly is promising pancakes to anyone who can convince Ducker to get off her immediately. Somewhere in the madness Jemilla finds Zazzalil’s hand and they lock eyes under Schwoopsie’s night plaits and sb's forearm long enough to know that everything is going to be ok.

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok! thank you all for reading this far, i really enjoyed writing this story! 
> 
> there should be a little epilogue coming soon, but apart from that it's finished!

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!
> 
> please leave kudos and comments, comments will also remind me to update :D


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